perspective of the father-in-law by jee

Been watching a marriage series called “Lifelong Love” taught by Gary Thomas. If you don’t know who Gary Thomas is (please) put him on your marriage guru list. The guy knows his schtuff. Each of the video sessions is chock-full of GOLDEN better-your-marriage-via-God nuggets. Obviously, we (at least I) can’t retain ALL the golden nuggets especially if you have a 40-year-old brain like mine…but the one nugget I have been pondering a lot these past couple days is the one that deals with taking the perspective of being my wife’s father and looking at our marriage conflicts and negative actions via the lens of Jane’s father. I have an issue with anger when we have conflicts and I tend to get loud when I am angry. It really hurts my wife. How do I know? She’s told me so (on many many occasions). I get that it hurts her, but my perspective was always - “this is how we dealt with conflict in my family growing up - the loudest wins!” I never thought that I would get beyond that justification in dealing with this. But after the video session I’ve been pondering this idea that we need to consider how we treat our spouses from the in-laws perspective. I have daughters, so what works for me is seeing my actions played out by my future son-in-law.  If this dude, screamed at my dear Emilie or Elizabeth - how would that make me feel?  Even if I knew that it was how the guy was brought up. I’d be furious and would slap the guy silly. All this to say that this whole concept of the in-law perspective has rocked me to the core. I feel ashamed of my past actions and having hurt my wife so much. She is to be cherished and understood in the same way that you would want your daughter to be cherished and understood by her husband. Grateful for this nugget! God, help me to never forget this when conflicts arise.