brace yourself by jee

things just got real....financially. jane and i knew this day would come. emilie, our oldest needs braces. small mouth, big teeth - not good. as most know, they do it in two phases now. don't want to bore you with the details involved with the procedure. we went to her consult today. everything was fine and dandy until we were hit with the estimated cost. OMG. MON DIEU. i looked at jane and uttered very quietly "how are we going to pay for this?" we will probably find a way to pay for emilie but i have two other little mouths that probably need railroad tracks inserted. overwhelmed. time for daddy to get a second job at the dock. as most of you know, this is on top of all three kids having vision issues and requiring glasses. kiddie glasses ain't cheap. sigh.

when i got home i wanted to go crawl in my bed and sleep for 30 years. but was gently reminded of Matthew 6:26 - "Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" gosh darn it, the Kim family is much more valuable than a bunch of ding dong birdies! we really are! and God will provide for us in this situation and future hurdles (don't even get me started about college funds). tonight i rest easy with this FACT that God loves this family very much and will feed us well. 

Don't fear the heat by Jane

No one likes to feel the heat, especially me.  Parenting life is crazy enough -- taking care of kids, shuttling to and from classes, marriage issues, keeping house -- it's enough to just make it through the week.  But, throw on another trial or two, and watch it all come to a boiling head.

As I was standing over the pasta water tonight, I was struck by how cool the hundreds of air molecules, released from the rising heat, looked.  What are those things anyway?  Air molecules that get released from broken water bonds, and escape as vapor.  Without the heat, this change wouldn't happen.  Without the heat, water sitting in my pot wouldn't do anything for me.  It would be useless for cooking at least, and the noodles wouldn't be edible.  And everyone would go hungry.

Heat is a good thing.  It breaks apart the hard things in your life, so that the very thing which needs to be broken, gets broken.  And it's in the breaking that you become useful.  Without the heat, we wouldn't change and become effective in doing what we were meant to do, or meant to become!

When James talked about considering "it pure joy" when you faced trials of many kinds, he had this kind of result in mind.  Suffering the heat of life produces exactly what the Potter is after -- soft, moldable, broken up clay that can be made into something useful, purposeful, and fruitful.

So don't run from the heat.  Let it break you.  It's in the breaking that we become life-giving, purposeful and a blessing to those who need it.

i don't like "normal" by jee

i get a new pair of glasses every year around october. is that excessive? perhaps. i know some people wear the same pair of glasses for decades. i am not one of them. every year, for some reason, i am never home when my glasses arrive via ups. my wife will proceed to put on my glasses, take a pic and text the photo to me (sometimes the kiddos also take turns putting it on - see exhibit A below from last year). the photos will always be accompanied by a text that asks "why did you pick these?"

i think my wife is asking me "why don't you get "normal" glasses?" to be honest, i don't know what "normal" is? i get glasses that appeal to my sensibilities at the moment i am searching for my next pair.  in a weird way, i see glasses as a piece of artwork that rests on my big nose for all the world to see. art is meant to provoke thought and even bring forth judgment. so in that way i guess i'm not choosing "normal." 

i am a lover of glasses. (god -> wife -> kids -> country -> glasses -> korean food) i would never bypass a life with glasses by getting contacts. never. back in my 20's my eyesight was pretty good so i didn't need glasses but i wore glasses with non-prescription lenses. yeah, i was one of those guys. now i need them or otherwise i can't read the mcdonald's menu board (gasp). so next time you see me, please comment on the piece of artwork on my face. 

enjoying the silence by jee

this picture has nothing to do with this post but i wanted to put it up here because we don't find good seafood here in landlocked Missouri - so i had me some delicious lobster last week when i was in the nation's capital. how i missed devouring buttery crustaceans.

so i've been off the book of faces for a couple weeks now. i still find myself clicking on the book of faces app on my ipad every other day. creature of habit i am. i had told my wife to create a new password for my account so i could truly be away from the chaos. i thought i would give myself a break for a couple weeks. but now it seems like it may be a more permanent arrangement. unplugging  from social media has given me great peace. i can actually hear my own thoughts again. i can interpret and take in the world as my unique brain and heart sees, hears, smells and touches it. i didn't even realize that i had lost or was losing a lot of this while wading through the book of faces. i could watch a presidential debate, process it, formulate my thoughts and opinions, and close the book on it. no one commenting on anything, disagreeing with anything, no one calling me a buttface for thinking what i think. i was in possession of my own thoughts, not swayed by an avalanche of posts inundating my feed. after all, i'm going to the voting booth all by my lonesome to cast my personal vote for the leader i think is best. i'm glad i was able to silence the chaos around me. sure there is some FOMO i'm dealing with but you know what, i'm told i'm not missing out on much (i sometimes ask jane what is going on in the book of faces).

let's start a revolution friends. let's pry ourselves out of the chaos and all that racket that is social media. it's all just too much. it's all getting too dark. it's all getting too mean. join me, won't you? i know most won't - i'm still trying to get jane out of it. you have to try it to truly understand.

doing it. by jee

trying to keep this little read, mostly unknown blog PG-13. I’m talking about marriages and “doing it”. the “deed”. we don’t talk about it much. def not enough at church. but it is something that needs to be examined and thought through. I have spoken to close married friends, my age, younger, and older about it. generally speaking, I think we don’t “do it” enough. at the outset i’ll say this - there are a lot of complicated heart/internal issues/hurts associated with “doing it” that may get in the way for the husband and/or wife. I want to be respectful about that.. but in this busy-busy, easily distractable culture, we just don’t “do it”…that much. jane and I always tell each other that “it” is THE GLUE of the marriage. without it our hearts aren’t as connected. I hear from so many brothers, “I’m too tired” or “we’re too busy” or “we sleep separately because I have to sleep with one child in their room” and even “we only do it to make a baby”. I worry about those brothers. men are hard-wired to “doing it” - it is a very primal and desperate need. in this age of at-your-fingertips pornography, LOTS of men are getting their fix outside of the marriage bed. that is sad and so not good. in the end, our  marriages are super weak, lacking the intimate glue that binds us together. essentially, our spouse has become a  teammate in running the house and taking care of the kids, a mere roommate that we say “hi” to each day. we’re not INTIMATE lovers. we must prioritize this love act. what’s funny is that - it was created by God for our PLEASURE. we talk about this like its a chore. c'mon! but going back to the pornography issue - men, we must stop! you can’t be fully addicted and honestly intimate with your bride at the same time. I’m speaking as one that struggled with this issue for many years. I pray Proverbs 5:18 over you this morning : “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” God can free you of the addiction - but YOU have to want that - for yourself , for your spouse, for your marriage, for your kids. 

I’ve spoken to many unmarried fellas and they tell me that they can’t wait to be married so that they can enjoy the deed with their princesses. often times, I’ve told them that it’s not what they envision it to be and that most married couples don’t really do the deed that much as the seasons pass. It’ll be so nice to tell the young'ns one day -  "yeah, you just wait boy! its gonna be SOOOOO GOOD!“

perspective of the father-in-law by jee

Been watching a marriage series called “Lifelong Love” taught by Gary Thomas. If you don’t know who Gary Thomas is (please) put him on your marriage guru list. The guy knows his schtuff. Each of the video sessions is chock-full of GOLDEN better-your-marriage-via-God nuggets. Obviously, we (at least I) can’t retain ALL the golden nuggets especially if you have a 40-year-old brain like mine…but the one nugget I have been pondering a lot these past couple days is the one that deals with taking the perspective of being my wife’s father and looking at our marriage conflicts and negative actions via the lens of Jane’s father. I have an issue with anger when we have conflicts and I tend to get loud when I am angry. It really hurts my wife. How do I know? She’s told me so (on many many occasions). I get that it hurts her, but my perspective was always - “this is how we dealt with conflict in my family growing up - the loudest wins!” I never thought that I would get beyond that justification in dealing with this. But after the video session I’ve been pondering this idea that we need to consider how we treat our spouses from the in-laws perspective. I have daughters, so what works for me is seeing my actions played out by my future son-in-law.  If this dude, screamed at my dear Emilie or Elizabeth - how would that make me feel?  Even if I knew that it was how the guy was brought up. I’d be furious and would slap the guy silly. All this to say that this whole concept of the in-law perspective has rocked me to the core. I feel ashamed of my past actions and having hurt my wife so much. She is to be cherished and understood in the same way that you would want your daughter to be cherished and understood by her husband. Grateful for this nugget! God, help me to never forget this when conflicts arise.